I've Gone Insane

I have a terrible track record of not blogging consistently. I mean just look at my archives and its obvious. So clearly I must have gone insane. Or my eyes are bigger than my mouth or ambitions higher than my reach or something like that.

Why?

Because I just started a new blog.

And not a blog that replaces this one. Oh no, a blog to write in addition to this one.

Because as I was thinking about this blog, I've realized its come to be mainly about my life, writing, and my beliefs. Which are great things and things I love discussing. But somewhere along the way, the engineering and science part got lost. And I have a lot to say on those topics, more than a randomly assigned day of the week can make up for. So I've decided to start a new blog solely devoted to science and engineering.

You can check it out here.

So let's see how this adventure goes. And please pop over there and check out Tuesday's post as well as today's post.

This blog, my bittersweet fountain one, will still contain all my anecdotes about being an engineer. All the funny, quirky little stories about my life that are caused because I'm an engineer and live on the socially awkward side of the social spectrum. My new blog, Rocket Science Revealed, is going to focus on the hard science facts and explaining them to you, my reader, in terms a layman can understand.

So come by and check it out. Who knows? Maybe you'll learn something.

And if you have engineering questions, ask them. Because I'm here to answer your questions.

Don't let your science fiction lack facts! Don't let fear of science stand in your way from learning. It's not that hard. And I promise not to drop any differential equations on you. :)

Wanting to Slap a Minion

If you’ve ever worked with engineers, you’ve probably experienced this. And it doesn’t necessarily happen with only minions (aka people much lower down on the totem pole than you), but you get the feeling most strongly with minions.

A scenario will play out like this:

A professor, who has a doctorate in the field plus 15 years of industry experience plus a book written with his name on it, will be explaining something to the class. It will be something extremely well studied that was discovered a long time ago, probably by Bernoulli, and a student will challenge him. The student will argue with him for ten minutes about something not pertinent to passing the class which is basically saying, “I know you have all these degrees and experience and I’m a 19-year-old boy, but I’ve thought of something NO ONE else has, and basically, I’m smarter than you.”

Unfortunately for that student, most professors aren’t afraid to embarrass you in front of the entire class. Depending on the professor there can be several responses: 1) handing the marker to the student and asking him to teach the class if he’s so smart, 2) just verbally smacking him down by listing your accomplishments versus his (I’ve got five degrees and a Nobel Prize. And you’ve…graduated from high school), 3) telling the student to get out of the class and not come back until he’s ready to learn, and really the possibilities here are endless. Professors are creative people.

But this doesn’t just happen to professors. At my new shiny, real job, I have an intern who makes me want to slap him daily. A scenario will play out like this:

Melody: The type A bolts go here. (pointing to a series of holes)

Intern: You’re wrong.

Said intern couldn’t even see where Melody was pointing. He just assumed that she, a woman with a college degree (which he doesn’t have) and two years of working experience (which he also doesn’t have) is wrong. He then proceeded to give us the “right” answer by pointing exactly where Melody just pointed.

About this time I have an overwhelming desire to slap him upside the head.

He does this a lot and he’s not alone. Many engineers have this “I’m always right and you’re always wrong” mindset. Which absolutely makes no sense to me.

I always assume my superiors at work and school are correct and if there is something where I really feel they’re wrong, I just don’t state “You’re wrong.” I’ll usually say, “Should we double check that?” or “I seem to remember being taught such-and-such (which is the opposite of what you are saying) in class. Is that wrong?”—thereby forcing the person to think about what they said and explain themselves.

Basically there are nicer ways to say things without making your superior want to slap you or just stare at you and say, “I have three degrees. Who do you think you are, Mr. I’m-about-to-be-a-third-year-in-college?”

Currently, we’ve ignored this interns “you’re wrong, I’m right” tendencies. He’s leaving in two weeks. It’s not a big deal. But I’m not sure what the appropriate way to deal with this behavior is. (Slapping is, unfortunately, not an option). Has anyone out there dealt with this attitude? Anyone out there ever wanted to slap a minion? What have you done instead? How have you dealt with it?

Feminism and Geordi LaForge

So when I was taking a five minute break from my research over the weekend, I read this article on Feminist Books. Basically the point of the article is that its not the behavior of the characters in the book that make the story Feminist, it's the attitude of the reader. I didn't really think much about that at the time (due to my head being overloaded with control laws, algebraic riccati equations, and saturation blocks), but while I was driving into the office this morning, it sort of popped into my head.

I was thinking about how Amanda Tapping is going to be at Dragon*Con this year, and how I need to add her signature to my collection of science fiction engineer/scientists. And I started thinking about how recently in SF a lot of the engineers and scientists are mainly females. It started with everyone's favorite Klingon Engineer, B'Elanna Torres. Then came Samantha Carter of SG-1. Then Kailey of Firefly. It's a trend. And I get it. We're trying to tell girls--hey! you can be in the position! See! Here is a girl engineer. You can be one too.

And thinking about all of this is what made me realize what the article is saying. That is sort of anti-Feminist. Saying "Here is a girl doing it so you can do it to" is not the point of feminism (in my mind). The point of it is the same point as getting rid of racism. I don't want someone to look at me and pre-judge me based on my sex, race, or anything. A person shouldn't think "Look! A black man has become president of the United States! I can to!" A person should think "Hey! A person can become president! I can to!"

What the article is trying to say, what it means, is basically that a girl should be able to look at an character/role and know they can be that. And I think the best example of this is one that happened to me and is very near and dear to my heart.

I was not inspired to be an engineer by the female B'Elanna Torres or Samantha Carter. I was inspired to be an engineer by Geordi LaForge, as played by LeVar Burton. I watched Star Trek: The Next Generation as a kid, and I saw how cool and wonderful being the Chief Engineer of the Enterprise was. I wanted that job. I wanted to be Geordi. It never crossed my mind that Geordi was male or black or blind (though with the visor he actually had better vision than any other person on the Enterprise). It was a job a person was doing and therefore I knew I could do it. Geordi was a person (fictional, yes) and I am to, and that's the only correlation necessary. That is feminism.

It doesn't matter that the Lord of the Rings is mostly about guys. What matters is that I can relate to the characters and can see myself being one of them.

I've always liked boy books better than I like girl books and I think in a way this is part of the reason. Girl books make me hyper aware that I'm a girl, that I'm different somehow, somehow a different sort of human from a boy (or other girls apparently since I can't relate to them). Boy books just deal with life, without making it a big deal. It's not a big deal that Harry is a boy. He just is. And I can imagine myself in his place, taking down Voldemort.

Yes, I think it is important to have females portrayed as engineers to help girls overcome their own un-feminist minds, but in the end a girl (or boy) should be able to look at any job/role and say "I can do that" regardless of the gender of the person portraying it. It's all in the eye of the beholder.

Eye Contact

Every once in a while, I realize the amazing amounts of meaning that can be conveyed in a glance. I have a friend who stares down cars when she steps out onto a cross walk. She steps off the curb and glares at the car until it come to a complete stop and allows her to cross the street safely. Somehow the power of her glance stops a moving vehicle.

So in the building where I work, there is another way glances play a part in my every day life. Usually something like this happen:

I'm busy at my desk but then decide to take a break to go to the bathroom. I get up and step into the hall and notice a smattering of other students. Mostly male. And then I notice another female grad student. I know her, and I smile at her, but she refuses to make eye contact. In fact, her step speeds up.

This can only mean one thing. She's headed to the bathroom.

Suddenly we're locked in a walking race, where neither girl will look at the other. We know the prize: the bathroom. That's right my friends, there is only one, and it can only serve one person at a time. This is what happens when you go to a school that's mostly male. Heck, you're lucky if there is a bathroom on your floor.

Looks, or lack of looks are important. We all know this. And yet so many writers, like me, overuse looks and glances in our stories, and our readers are like "Do your characters have to 'gaze' or 'glance' so much?"

How can we overuse something that's so prevalent in real life?

It's something I struggle with, I'll admit. I think the reason why glances are so hard to come across in fiction is because it's hard to describe them. In real life, a look can convey a hundred words, meanings, and feelings. An author actually has to describe those hundred words, meanings, and feelings. It's more difficult than a quick glance is visually.

So somehow I need to let go of my use of "glances", "looks", and "gazes". I need to do better at describing the emotions that should come across in the scene, and not rely on visuals that can't come across well.

Anyone out there struggle with glances too?

Engineering Spotlight: Kyleen J., CEE

Name: Kyleen J.
Major: Civil Engineering
Title: E.I.T., Bachelor of Civil Engineering
Company: Nannies R Us (not really, but I am currently a nanny...)

Why did you want to become an engineer, and more specifically, your particular type of engineer?
Unlike my dear friend Alisha, I did not enjoy playing with Legos. I did, however, enjoy math workbooks. In fact, I used to complete my brother's workbooks at the end of each school year for fun, even though he is three years older than me. When senior year rolled around, I knew I wanted to attend Georgia Tech. After looking at the majors, I chose architecture on my application. Then, I went to a meeting for incoming architecture students and realized I was the only person in the room who hadn't played with Legos. I asked the advisor how I could do architecture with more math and less art, and civil engineering is what I ended up with. Since then, I have fallen deeply in love with many aspects of civil engineering, including land development, city planning, environmental management, and construction.

What do you do? (At your job or in your research?)
I take care of a 7-month-old baby. Seriously. But what I'm looking to do for my career is anything that's at the intersection of civil engineering and public policy. I live in Los Angeles, so there aren't a lot of jobs available for a recent graduate in my field, but I've heard encouraging things about the energy field, so I'm shifting my job search focus to that area.

At my co-op, I did land development, which gave me the opportunity to work alongside public policymakers, hydraulic engineers, transportation engineers, architects, surveyors, drafters, sanitary engineers, city planners, and construction workers. And here in L.A., we were often working alongside the ocean or celebrity properties, which always made the day a little more interesting. I got to spend time in the office, working with my wonderful co-workers on designs for residential and commercial properties, but I also got to spend time on construction sites, learning about the different stages of construction and the unique challenges for each type of job. Some days, I got to do some light surveying tasks in the field, which included counting parking spaces, measuring distances and curb heights, and taking pictures of wheelchair ramps at every intersection in a particular city. I also got to attend a public hearing on the changes that were being made to the Stormwater Pollution Protection Plans for Ventura County. Sometimes, I'd set alignments in master files for projects or mark up a set of plans to check quantities in cost estimates. A couple of times, I got to go downtown to do research for projects. These were my favorite days because it was usually just as quick to take the freeway downtown as it was to take the Pacific Coast Highway, so I got paid to drive the PCH and see dolphins jumping in the Pacific Ocean!

I loved every single day of my job. There were rough times when an engineer wouldn't trust me with a task or when layoffs came through our office or when I just couldn't meet a deadline, but I was reminded every day that God has given me the ability to perform the tasks necessary for a career that speaks so strongly to many aspects of my personality and my calling.

What do you do outside of engineering?
I spend a lot of time at coffee shops, meeting plenty of people from all different walks of life. God has blessed me with unique ministry opportunities at coffee shops all over L.A. I also enjoy being with my roommates and other believers here, sharing our triumphs and struggles with each other as we seek to live out the Bible through God's transforming grace. I always have a beach towel in my car because I love driving down to Malibu to see the sunset or just soak in some fresh air and sunshine. I really treasure this time in my life, when I can spend hours alone with the Lord and then drive somewhere to meet up with a friend who needs encouragement and then come home to my sisters, who are always up for a good conversation.

Anything else you would like us to know about you or your work?
Civil engineering takes a great deal of technical knowledge, communication skills, determination, and openness to change. Even though it's the oldest type of engineering, technology is changing the field daily as more projects are being handled using video conferencing and 3-D CAD. I can't wait to watch civil engineering evolve into a more sustainable, more ethical, and wiser industry.

Engineering Spotlight: Jennifer S., IE

Name: Jennifer S.
Major: Industrial Engineering
Title: Quality Assurance Engineer
Company: Lockheed Martin

What is Industrial Engineering?
Historically, Industrial Engineers were employed in the manufacturing field to increase throughput, decrease costs, and ensure quality. Today, manufacturing is still a major IE focus but IE methodology is now applied in healthcare, finance, the energy sector, transportation networks and many other areas. Industrial Engineers are continually looking to improve the way things are done, maximizing efficiency and effectiveness. They use math-based techniques to optimize a complex system of people, technology, and resources.

Why did you want to become an engineer, and more specifically, your particular type of engineer?
I actually never wanted to become an engineer. I am in the engineering field today because of convenience and aptitude. Convenience due to the fact Georgia Tech, a premiere engineering school, is less than an hour away from my parent’s house; aptitude because I am intelligent and excelled in math and science during high school. I am thankful I happened to choose Industrial Engineering because it is a great fit for me. I like the math-based approach to solving problems and the basic idea that Industrial Engineers find efficiencies to make things better.

What do you do?
In my current job at Lockheed Martin I help ensure certain quality standards are being followed and implemented. As an aerospace manufacturing company, Lockheed Martin adheres to standards such as AS9100 (aerospace specific) and ISO9001 (quality management). These are usually contractual requirements but I also ensure other regulatory or legal requirements are being followed.

During college I worked in the Industrial Engineering department at Walt Disney World. This job was a more typical IE position and I used techniques like simulation, calculating throughput, and statistics. I worked on projects that included optimally deploying buses throughout the property to ensure guests are where they want to be when they want to be, making lines move faster, efficiently washing and handling the 100,000 pounds of laundry A DAY Disney guests use, and improving processes in the warehouse that maintains stock of Disney products used in the parks.

What do you do outside of engineering?
My current endeavor is decorating my new apartment. I am on the hunt for the perfect couch and am looking for simple, cost-effective ways to decorate. I love to read (recently getting into the SF genre). One of my favorite things to do is relax on a boat and have fun water skiing, jet skiing, or wakeboarding. I also like to run.

Anything else you would like us to know about you or your work?
My favorite foods are sushi and cereal.

Where can I find more information?
Georgia Institute of Technology, the number one school in the nation for Industrial Engineering, is a great reference for learning more about IE and its application.

Watch this video to learn more about IEs at Disney.

The professional IE organization, Institute of Industrial Engineers.

Engineering Spotlight: Alisha H., CEE

Name: Alisha H.
Major: Civil Engineering*
Title: E.I.T.**, Bachelor's of Civil Engineering
Company: Georgia Tech...Currently looking for a job...hire me! (Update: Alisha actually has a job now in Nashville, TN)

Why did you want to become an engineer, and more specifically, your particular type of engineer?
I've always been in love with logical concrete solutions. I loved looking at how things were put together and how they stayed that way. Engineering runs in my family. My Dad is a Civil, my Grandpa and Uncle built/designed their own small planes, and my brother has always worked within automotive (including diesel engines). However, I got my love of order and organization from my Mom who is a teacher. I chose Civil because it was the best fit; I was the kid always playing with my brother's Legos and building my own Barbie accessories (tree house, playground, etc.).

What do you do? (At your job or in your research?)
Currently, I am on the job hunt as a recent graduate. My primary interests are in Site Design and Transportation Design. I've also had a couple years experience with a small geotechnical firm in which I designed retaining walls.

Contrary to popular belief you cannot set a building anywhere on a site and expect it to be fine; this is where a Site Designer comes in. A Site Designer takes a site and an idea on location for a building and figures out how to mesh the two by looking at how to move the dirt, where to drain the water, where to run power/water/everything lines, and how to do it with minimal environmental impact.

Do you know road surfaces and traffic signals get designed? Guess what: that's the Transportation Engineer's job. There is so much more involved in roadways than anyone can imagine, so much data is collected and used to run tests.

Finally retaining walls: bet you've hardly ever noticed the walls that hold the road up or hold the hill back so there can be a flatter surface below. These walls are not made up of simple blocks stacked in patterns; no, there is much more behind the surface. There are many types of walls: Cast-in-Place, Modular Block, Baskets, Soil-Nail, Earth Anchor and tons of variations within those. I truly is amazing feat to hold a 40 ft. tall hill with a shopping center on top up and away from a small creek bed with a quiet neighborhood on the other side.

What do you do outside of engineering?
I ride and take care of my horse (sometimes I'm acting Barn Manager at my stable and am in charge of 50+ horses). I design and make most of my own jewelry. I also love to read, spend time outdoors, and create.

Anything else you would like us to know about you or your work?
I truly enjoy and love Civil Engineering. It is a timeless job that we will always need people doing. It can be challenging and a whole lot of fun!


* Technically I'm in the last freshman class that was listed as Civil and Environmental Engineering, before Environmental Engineering got it's own major
** E.I.T. = Engineering-in-Training. This means I passed an 8 hour long exam covering everything I ever learned in college including some stuff I didn't actually learn in college. Passing this test also means that after 5 years of work experience within my degree, I can sit for my Professional Engineering License, P.E.

Funny Things I Enjoy

So I recently applied to an advanced writing class that only accepts 5 participants. We’re all supposed to hear back tomorrow and the waiting is a little nerve wracking, so I decided to make today a little more humorous. So voila, links to funny things I enjoy. (I would have inserted them in, but I think that’s copyright infringement. Let’s go the legal path shall we?)

Women in engineering. It's all pressure.

Dividing by zero. It's not good.

The best movie ever. Seriously. I would go see this in a heartbeat.

Some Doctor Who love from a classic Doctor.

The joys of being a TA. Times two.

TV science. It's all lies.

Stuff Christians Like & Vuvuzelas. What's not to love?

More vuvuzelas. Annoying sound? Yes. Awesome word? Yes.

LOLC + Bible = awesome or appalling?

Ok, that's enough funny happiness for now. Hopefully this will lighten everyone's day a bit. And for future reference, I usually go to Piled Higher and Deeper and Stuff Christians Like for my daily dose of happiness. I recommend them to you as well.

Do you guys have anything funny you would like to share?

Adapt. It'll make you more comfortable.

Dear Nameless Coworker,

I understand that complaining is part of human nature. Heck, I love to complain, especially about how horrible a task master graduate school is and about how all my Project Manager (PM) does is send emails. (The last part isn't strictly true. He does other things....I think.) So I understand why some of my colleagues - like you - at work complain about Florida's heat. They complain about the heat; I complain about the ridiculous amount of air conditioning we use to cool down our office. Seriously - I should never have to consider bringing in gloves to work. That's just not cool. (pun unintended)

I also understand that many of my colleagues, such as yourself, are from up north. They're not used to eighty degree weather, and when it hits ninety, they start melting a little bit. I understand this and get it when they complain. That's why I listen to their - and your- complaints with sympathy and without arguing.

However, don't you dare insinuate that I'm the freak because I like the heat.

I've lived in the southern regions of our nation all my life. I've lived in California, Hawaii, Texas, Mississippi, Georgia, and Florida. I know all about heat. I've seen eggs fry on side walks. Living in such heat has caused me to become a creature of heat. You might find me wearing a sweater when its eighty degrees outside. Usually, its because I forgot to take it off after stepping out of our frigid office. However, it doesn't bother me to be wearing it for thirty minutes to an hour in eighty degree weather, especially with the sea breeze we've got going on down here in Florida.

You see - this ability of mine to withstand the heat - it's called adapting. You've heard of that right? Darwin wrote a book about it. See when creatures live in certain areas, they adapt to it, and give these good traits to their offspring. Example: My mom was born in Georgia and lived most of her first twenty years in Florida. She learned to adapt to the heat and passed this gene on to me. (Granted, it had to fight my dad's cold adapted northern genes, but her genes won out on that one).*

So what this all basically means is that I've been evolved to be ok with the heat.

You don't see me vacationing to frigid lands very often. I've made it very clear I can't stand cold, and that I think snow is evil. This is why I refuse to live further north than Atlanta - and Atlanta gets too cold for me.

This doesn't mean I'm a freak, it means I'm highly evolved.

You, on the other hand, are complaining like our heat is unnatural. It's Florida. It's what the weather is like here - all the time. Surely you realized this when you accepted a job in Florida. It's not my fault you're from the frigid far north.

I understand you're more adapted to the cold. That's why I let you complain. But listen, I'm not the freak here. I'm not the animal that was perfectly adapted in one environment and then decided to move to another. (Seems like a bad evolutionary move, personally).

And if I ever move to the north - which I fervently pray never happens - just like you do here, I will complain about the weather. But I will never accuse the adjusted northerners of being crazy or freakish in any way. That's just wrong.

So please, leave me alone about this. I like my heat. And I really do think its ridiculous that you would expect me to wear gloves to work.

When you make fun of me when I show up in a jacket and gloves, I'm just going to point out that you told me to do it because you weren't man enough to turn the thermostat up five degrees.

Ok, that's unfair. You don't control the thermostat. I'm not sure who does. It's like a deep dark mystery....

But anyway, please don't make fun of me - or next time we have a cookout, I may just laugh in your face when your shirt gets soaked through in sweat and you start complaining.

Because I'll be wearing long jeans and will not even have started sweating yet.

Peace out.
~Bittersweet Fountain

*Yes, this is a very simplified understanding of evolution. But that doesn't mean its completely inaccurate.

Awesome or Apalling?

Have you ever read, heard, or saw something and your first thought was that’s awesome and then you’re second thought was – wait, should I be insulted? (This can also happen in the reverse order. You can be initially insulted and then think it’s awesome).

This happened to me this week when I received an email from another female engineer about “Nerd Girls”. Apparently, someone is casting for a reality television show that centers on female engineers being awesome female engineers and solving real world problems for the community or companies. My first thought was “This seems awesome! What a way to support females in engineering!” So I went to the website and checked it out.

I watched their little video and the awesome feeling inside me began to dwindle away into being appalled. I won’t say I was insulted – because it wasn’t exactly insulting.

It seemed initially that the premise of the show was to give young girls great, awesome role models like female engineers. We’re a rare breed, and everyone wants to encourage girls to continue in math and science. (Because math and science are awesome and - short of an apocalypse* - are the way of the future). However, as they stressed that they wanted girls between 18 & 23, and that engineer girls can where stiletto’s too, a feeling of horror began to fill me.

Let’s be honest. Unless she’s a genius (which is admittedly possible), an eighteen-year-old girl is not an engineer. She’ll be lucky if she’s had Calc III and Physics II. She’ll be lucky if she knows a computer language. So the only reason they could be looking for girls in that age group is if they’re looking for “hot” girls.

And I can’t remember the last time one of my female friends wore high stilettos. Maybe a semi-formal? But then the shoes came off for the actual dancing, so they were only worn for dinner. You can’t walk in those kinds of shoes, and they’re bad for your feet.

I’m all about changing the stereotype. I hate that the recommendation given to girls before career fairs is “don’t dress too girly”, as if it’s bad to remind employers we’re female. But if we’re going to do this, let’s use real engineers. Some of us will be die-hard nerds, like myself. Some of us will be cheerleaders, like the Project Systems Engineer for my grad school project. Some of us will be romance novel junkies. Some of us will love rugby. Few of us will wear make-up regularly while in college. (Let’s just face it. When I’m about to take a three hour exam – looking good is the furthest thing from my mind).

So if you’re going to do this – go all the way and be true to female engineers. Cast a WoW player. Cast a sorority girl. Cast a die-hard Trekkie. Cast the girl who writes novels in her spare time. But please don’t fill it with only one type of girl (hot girls who like to dress up). Because that’s a lie.

The point of breaking stereotypes is not to create new ones.

And if you’re going to have a show about female engineers, at least make sure they have degrees. Redefine the age to 22 to 26 or something like that. Or better yet – open it to grad students. Seriously, grad students will do almost anything for funding. You can easily fill a show by promising funding for a year if you spend your summer being part of a reality show. Or better way – let the winner of the show get a full ride for their entire PhD.

That would be a real female engineering show.

*Be prepared for a coming article on why most engineers will be useless in a post-apocalyptic world.

Office Lunch, aka Not Feeling Awkward when Going to Lunch with Your Office When You’re a Female Engineer

This is my last week at work, which is a bittersweet thing (no pun on my name intended). I like my job, but I am ready for school. I'm ready to be back to football season, the BCM, my classes, my friends, and my new apartment. In fact I am probably most looking forward to my apartment. It will be the first time I am living off campus, and I can't wait. But my apartment is a blog for another time. Today's blog has a different topic: office lunch.

Every time I come to work for a co-op term, the week I am scheduled to leave my Branch takes me out to lunch. For those of you who don't know "branch" just basically means the group of people I work with. We're all under the same boss, aka Branch Chief. There are about twenty-five of us total, but for lunch we only had sixteen, counting me, show up. I got to choose where to go to lunch, since it was my "Farewell Lunch", so I picked Olive Garden, my favorite restaurant. My mentor arranged everything for us, and sixteen of us went to lunch.

So I'm an engineer. This means when my branch goes out to lunch, it might seem a little odd to the random observer. I am a 5'1", 22 year old female. The other sixteen with me were at least 5'7", male, and over thirty. Perhaps you can see how that would seem odd?

At lunch I sat at the middle of this table of all guys, most of which are old enough to be my father. The waitress came up and said, "Are we celebrating something?"

"Her," my branch chief said pointing to me.

"It's her goodbye lunch," my mentor interjected.

The waitress looked at me and said, "I thought it might be you. You do seem to be the odd one out." Odd one out was undoubtedly an understatement. I probably did not look like I belonged at all.

So how does one survive such a seemingly awkward thing? Well first off, these are the guys I work with everyday. It's not usually that awkward. But there are a few key things to remember to keep it from getting awkward.

First point, do everything in your power to keep the conversation from becoming a conversation not appropriate for mixed company. Sometimes this can be hard. With so many guys, it can be difficult to make them remember that I am a girl. They might start a conversation that I really don't want to hear or tell a joke that I found offensive because it degrades women. The key to stopping this is to figure out what's happening before it happens. When I feel the conversation heading in that direction, I bring up a movie I know everyone just went to see that weekend, or a particularly controversial development at work that everyone wants to argue about. One sentence interjected at the right time to the right person can change the course of an entire conversation. Which in this case is a good thing.

Another thought to make the entire process less awkward is to remember that guys really don't mature that much as they age (no offense guys). They are generally just as goofy at 35 as they are at 18. The only real difference is that the guys in my office talk about their wives instead of their girlfriends, and they talk about their kids instead of their roommates. So when it comes to conversations I treat them about the same, though for my boss and other important persons I add a little more respect. (Which is not saying I don't respect guys. I am just saying I will be less likely to tease my boss).

My farewell lunch did not have any real awkward moments to it. We talked about the year, the new co-op coming in to replace me, the fact that one of the guys in the office just bought a motorcycle but his wife is out of the country and she's going to kill him when she gets back, and magicians. We probably spent a half an hour talking about magicians and illusions. No one in my office can figure out how the ring trick works, where a magician seems to push two solid metal rings through each other. The entire lunch table was arguing the different methods that could be used. That is what happens when you get a bunch of engineers together.

I suppose in truth though it looked awkward to those nearby, it was not really. It's my branch, my job, my life. At school the ratio in my department is nine to one, guys to girls. I'm used to being around all guys. It's being around all girly girls that makes me nervous. I can handle Tech girls, but girlie girls? They're scary. But I suppose that is a post for another day.

A Letter

To the Lady Who Dispenses Her Paper Towel before Washing Her Hands,

First off, I would like to say I totally understand. I completely get that you’re trying to be conscious of germs and that you don’t want the hands you’re about to clean at the sink dirty by touching the paper towel dispenser. I get it, and I can respect that.

Secondly, I also understand that there aren’t a whole lot of women who use our bathroom. Our bathroom is perhaps the only girl’s bathroom in the world that never has a line. You’re not all that worried about the other people who use the bathroom because there are only like five of us. I get that.

Third, I get that you’re probably a human resources person, since I know the three female engineers besides myself who use our bathroom. I don’t mean to judge or anything, but as a human resource person, I realize you may not think quite as critically as we engineers. Engineers are trained to see problems and try to fix them. I understand that you did not have the horrific experience of being an engineering student and therefore may not see the problem you’re creating.

Let me point it out to you.

After you use the bathroom, you walk up to a paper towel dispenser, touch the handle of the dispenser with your dirty hands, dispense the paper towel to an appropriate length, and then wash your hands. Once your hands are clean, you grab your paper towel without touching the handle you just dirtied and head out of the bathroom with dry clean hands. How nice. How pleasant. That is, how nice, pleasant, and clean for you.

I don’t know if you realize this but out of the 15 women who use our bathroom you are the only one who does this. The rest of us do things in the normal order. We leave the stall, we wash our hands, and we get a paper towel. No early dispensing is necessary. Our hands are clean when we touch the paper towel dispenser’s handle. A handle that would be clean if not for you.

You see in your desire to not catch our germs; you’re actually giving all of us your germs. Do you see what I mean? No. Let me explain.

Our hands are clean when they touch the handle. Clean. Germ free. Or at least as germ free as soap can make them (let’s not consider that 0.01% of germs that survive. They’re unimportant). Therefore, if everyone washed their hands before touching the handle, the handle would never be a hive of germs. Only clean hands are touching it, therefore the handle is clean.

But you, my friend, you who are so germ conscious, are actually ruining the system. Your hands are dirty when you touch the handle. You touch it with unwashed, dirty, germ filled hands. Because of that, the rest of our clean hands are contaminated by your germs. We were clean. You made us dirty.

It’s not like you’re using a public restroom used by hundreds of people. This is a small, daily cleaned restroom used by 15 women. You undoubtedly know all of these fifteen women on a first name basis, except for perhaps the three female engineers. I admit that engineers and human resources people don’t always mix well. However, we engineers are far from a wild card. We’re very methodical, not exactly dirty people. We work in a cube just like you. Our work is just way more mathy, not dirty.

I’m not asking for much from you. I’m just asking that you get with the system. You must have observed that all of the rest of us wash our hands before we get paper towels. Surely you have seen us wash our hands thoroughly. So please, I’m begging you. Stop dispensing the paper towel before you wash your hands. Stop infecting our clean paper towel dispenser with your germs. Please get with the system.

If everyone is with the system, we all will have clean, germ free hands.

Thank you,

Your Bathroom-mate,

Bittersweet Fountain

A Story About a Monitor

I got a new monitor at work today.

I now have two 24 inch monitors. You might think that's ridiculous. You might think that one 24 inch monitor is all a person needs, but if you think that you are probably not an engineer. An engineer can never have too many monitors.

For the longest time I was the lowest of the low; I only had one monitor. Every other person where I worked had two monitors. And they all had two 24 inch monitors. My measly one monitor was merely 17 inches. Then I got a new computer and low and behold with the new computer came a 24 inch monitor. Instead of getting rid of my smaller monitor, I hooked the two together for dual usage. It was beautiful, but it wasn't two 24 inch monitors. Not to mention both monitors had slightly different resolutions and coloring schemes that would not match no matter how much I played with them.

But I survived and dealt with it until today. Today my lead came by my desk and said "I have a new monitor for you." Now my monitors are nearly as long as my desk. It's beautiful.

My old monitor was given to our administrative assistant. My cast-off became her upgrade. It makes me happy, for my old monitor served me well. Now it can serve her well.

But this story isn't really about my new monitor. It's about being a woman in engineering.

I'll admit I'm not exactly a terrifying figure. My stature doesn't exactly cry out strength. I'm 5'1". Very few people are afraid of me, until they get to know my true ferocity that is.

Anyhow, my lead came to my desk and was like "I have your new 24 inch monitor. You should ask someone to come help you carry it."

Help me carry it? I glanced at my current 24 inch monitor. 24 inches really isn't that big. The measurement is diagonal anyway. And I've carried this monitor before when I had to take apart and put together my computer. Did I really need help to carry it?

"I don't need help," I insisted, because I didn't. I got up from my desk to retrieve my new monitor and my lead looked at me askance - seeing me at my full height clearly did not help him believe my claim. "I would help you," he said, "but my back isn't what it used to be. We'll go get Josh."

"No, I can carry it," I responded. I slipped past him and to his office where my monitor was being stored. I saw the box and was a little taken back by the size. Maybe I did need help? I wouldn't let myself believe it. Just because it looked big didn't mean it was heavy.

"It's too big," my lead insisted.

"Do you need help?" Another engineer from my branch stuck his head out of his cube. "I'll help you."

"Maybe you can help me pick it up," I said, pulling it awkwardly out of the cube. "But I can carry it."

"Use the handholds," the other engineer said. "You grab that one and I'll grab this one." Handholds. I felt like such an idiot. This would be so easy with handholds. I grabbed the one nearest to me and then moved around to grab the other one. I lifted. Were they kidding me? This was light! I didn't need help, and I certainly did not need help from the middle aged men in my branch.

Both my lead and the engineer were looking at me as if I might collapse at any moment, delicate flower that I am. "Trust me," I assured them. "This is light. My family has moved 16 times. I'm a college student who moves in and out of dorms like they're going out of style. I can carry this box that is mainly Styrofoam."

However, they still did not believe me. My lead followed me all the way back to my cube in case I might collapse in exhaustion on the floor, being overcome by the weight of this ridiculously light box.

Maybe I should have let them help me. Maybe it was heavier than OSHA regulates a single person should carry. I don't know. I didn't weigh the box before I carried it. But I do know I've carried much heavier boxes much farther distances. I may not be winning any sports competitions or weight lifting events any time soon but I could certainly carry a box with handholds.

I'm positive that if I had been a male co-op they would have let me carry the box no problem, but because I'm a girl they were unsure if I could handle the weight. And I, being stubborn, insisted I could.

To rest your mind, I am not a feminist out burning my undergarments and trying to break free from my bonds. I chain myself down to no movement. And I'm more than willing to ask for help when I need it. As stated above, I'm pretty short. When I see something that's too high for me to reach, if there is a tall person standing near me I'm going to ask them to help me before I try to pull a chair over and balance myself precariously. If something is too heavy, I will take advantage of the person nearest who looks like they can lift weights no problem. I'm not stupid. I try to use the resources around me. However, this case was different.

I'm 22 years old. I may not be "in shape" per say but I'm not exactly out of shape. I'm in fairly good physical condition, and I don't have to worry about throwing my back. All of the guys in my branch are definitely over thirty and most probably over forty. I don't want to worry about them throwing their back carrying a box for me, a box I'm perfectly capable of carrying.

Maybe this isn't even about being a girl, maybe its just about being deceptively small. Maybe my lead wasn't sizing me up and saying "She's a girl; she can't handle it." Maybe he was sizing me up and saying, "She's 5'1" and spends her day in a cube not working out. She can't handle it." Either way it doesn't matter. If I say I can handle something, I usually can. Let me handle it. Let me make my own mistakes. Let me try.

I may look small. I may look weak. I may look like just another girl, but I want to try. Give me a chance to size up the load for myself and see if I can handle it. Give me a chance to succeed or fail. Don't try to take care of me. Even if I am a delicate flower, I'm not your delicate flower. I'm my own. And this flower wants to bear the load.