Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Ridiculous Crush

So I have this ridiculous crush on a boy that we shall call Josh. It’s really pathetic and makes me feel sixteen.

How did this ridiculous crush on Josh start? Well, Josh and I had a class together and we both attend the BCM at Tech, so we became friends. He's two years older than me, but because he is doing his grad degree in my major instead of the major his undergrad was in, we had classes together while I was an undergrad. Then this year, he asked me to join his church's handbells with him, which I did. This led to us talking even more and led to me attending his church. (His church is great. I really love my Sunday school class. It's not just because of him I switched churches, but my church switching is a post for another time).

So in the winter, I decided I just needed to know if Josh liked me or not. I swallowed my pride and nerves and confronted him. He told me that he was flattered, but he had actually been recently interested in another girl who had turned him down. So alas, he did not like me in that way.

We were still cool after that. I'm a pretty laid back person when it comes to that sort of thing. I just need to know where you stand and then I'm fine. It's all the stress associated with not knowing that drives me crazy. Josh is pretty laid back and as mentioned before very nice. Nothing really changed after that.

A couple of weeks later Josh commented about how we had not been in church together on a Sunday for quite some time. Every time he was at church I was not. Every time I was at church he was not. It was not that either of us was avoiding the other. I got sick. He visited his sister. It snowed. I had to play in the handbell choir at another church. It was several different things that meant we had not been at church together for quite a few weeks. I thought it was an odd observation for someone who doesn't like me, but then I figured it was not an odd observation for someone who likes me as a friend. After all, our schedules that semester had been very opposite. When I was out of class he was in class. We rarely got to see each other. However, it did stir my heart slightly. Was he realizing he liked me? I refused to contemplate it. I liked being his friend and didn't want to go back into the whirl wind of emotions of not knowing.
So we're friends. I'm working down in Florida this summer and he's at Georgia Tech working on his masters and hoping to eventually graduate. Then last night while I was trying to sleep my phone rang.

By the ringtone I knew it was one of my school friends. The ringtone for my school friends is "Dancing Through Life" from Wicked, since its first line is "The trouble with schools is they always try to teach the wrong lesson." My first thought was "Ugh, why is my project manager calling me after nine again?" My project manager for my research at school has called me past my bedtime (9:00 pm) three times in the past. I figured he had once again forgotten that some of us get up for work long before the crack of dawn and called me.

I rolled over in my bed and looked down at my phone. To my surprise it did not say "Project Manager". It said "Josh."

Josh? Why was Josh calling me? To be honest I was sure he had a wrong number. Surely he was calling Bert or Brent, not Bittersweet. He must have accidently clicked the wrong name.

"Josh?" I said, picking up the phone.

"What?" was the response, as if he could not hear me or was surprised to hear my answer the phone. Yep, must be a wrong number. He doesn't sound like he was expecting a girl to answer, and certainly not me.

"Josh, can I help you?" I asked, thinking he would respond, "Bittersweet? Oops. Meant to call Brent."

"Bittersweet! Do you have a minute?" His response surprised me. Not a wrong number? Perhaps he was trying to cover for it, by making it seem like he intended to call me all along.

“Why?” I asked suspiciously. Maybe he had intended to call me but only because he needed some sort of information about a class, or handbells, or church.

“I just wanted to talk,” he answered. My mind paused and then reeled. He just wanted to talk? Josh, my crush, just wanted to talk to me? What did this mean? Did he miss me? Does he like me? Have we reached the level of friendship where he is comfortable calling me? How odd since only my super awesome best friend and my ridiculously amazing mentee ever call me!

"Yeah, well I'd love to talk about it, but I need to get to sleep. I'm getting up pretty early in the morning." Are you cringing because I just cut off a boy I like who called me? Well, get over it. Sleep is important to me. I can't sacrifice my sleep for a boy, even if he is awesome.

"You get up early?" he asked.

"Yes, but I'm usually off work by 4, so it all balances out," I answered.

"Oh! I was going to call you at 4:30 today, but I thought you would still be at work," Josh said. He was going to call earlier? That mean he had been thinking about this call. It wasn’t just a spur of the moment, “I should check in on Bittersweet” sort of call. It was a thought out call.

“Nope, I’m usually off work by then,” I responded, but never one to not spread news I added, “I broke my foot, but if it makes you feel better it was my right foot this time.”

"I don't know if that's better or not," Josh answered, sounding happy to talk to me but concerned about my foot.

“Yeah, it’s not very bad, no worries,” I responded, glad he was concerned but not wanting him to be too concerned. After all, my foot is not that bad at all.

“Well, I really do have to sleep, but if you call after four tomorrow we can chat it up all you want,” I said. Yes I really did use the phrase “chat it up”.

“Ok. Goodnight, Bittersweet,” he answered.

“Goodnight, Josh,” I said. Then I hung up.

After that sleep was useless. I should have just talked to him, but then I know I would never have been able to go to sleep. It was already nearly ten. I thought about calling my super awesome best friend because I was so excited, but once again I knew that meant I would never go to sleep. So I figured I would call my super best friend tomorrow and try my best to think about sleepy thoughts and not uber exciting my crush called me sort of thoughts.
This morning I had to text Josh because I forgot I had a telecon at 4:00 pm. I told him to call me between 6:00 and 8:00. He didn’t text back, but he never does. Josh doesn’t text. Usually I text him and he calls me back. That would have defeated the purpose this morning, since the text was telling him when to call me.

Hopefully Josh doesn’t read this blog, because even though I changed the name he would totally know it was about him.

But then again, he already knows I like him. I’ve made that very clear in the past.

I’m way too excited about what is undoubtedly nothing, but oh well. It’s nice to get a call. So few of my friends ever call me. Most of them don’t really like phones and the others I guess just don’t think about it. But it gets lonely down here in Florida. At least I know my two avid readers, my super best friend and my ridiculously awesome mentee, both call me.

All is right with the world.

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