Friday, June 25, 2010

Adapt. It'll make you more comfortable.

Dear Nameless Coworker,

I understand that complaining is part of human nature. Heck, I love to complain, especially about how horrible a task master graduate school is and about how all my Project Manager (PM) does is send emails. (The last part isn't strictly true. He does other things....I think.) So I understand why some of my colleagues - like you - at work complain about Florida's heat. They complain about the heat; I complain about the ridiculous amount of air conditioning we use to cool down our office. Seriously - I should never have to consider bringing in gloves to work. That's just not cool. (pun unintended)

I also understand that many of my colleagues, such as yourself, are from up north. They're not used to eighty degree weather, and when it hits ninety, they start melting a little bit. I understand this and get it when they complain. That's why I listen to their - and your- complaints with sympathy and without arguing.

However, don't you dare insinuate that I'm the freak because I like the heat.

I've lived in the southern regions of our nation all my life. I've lived in California, Hawaii, Texas, Mississippi, Georgia, and Florida. I know all about heat. I've seen eggs fry on side walks. Living in such heat has caused me to become a creature of heat. You might find me wearing a sweater when its eighty degrees outside. Usually, its because I forgot to take it off after stepping out of our frigid office. However, it doesn't bother me to be wearing it for thirty minutes to an hour in eighty degree weather, especially with the sea breeze we've got going on down here in Florida.

You see - this ability of mine to withstand the heat - it's called adapting. You've heard of that right? Darwin wrote a book about it. See when creatures live in certain areas, they adapt to it, and give these good traits to their offspring. Example: My mom was born in Georgia and lived most of her first twenty years in Florida. She learned to adapt to the heat and passed this gene on to me. (Granted, it had to fight my dad's cold adapted northern genes, but her genes won out on that one).*

So what this all basically means is that I've been evolved to be ok with the heat.

You don't see me vacationing to frigid lands very often. I've made it very clear I can't stand cold, and that I think snow is evil. This is why I refuse to live further north than Atlanta - and Atlanta gets too cold for me.

This doesn't mean I'm a freak, it means I'm highly evolved.

You, on the other hand, are complaining like our heat is unnatural. It's Florida. It's what the weather is like here - all the time. Surely you realized this when you accepted a job in Florida. It's not my fault you're from the frigid far north.

I understand you're more adapted to the cold. That's why I let you complain. But listen, I'm not the freak here. I'm not the animal that was perfectly adapted in one environment and then decided to move to another. (Seems like a bad evolutionary move, personally).

And if I ever move to the north - which I fervently pray never happens - just like you do here, I will complain about the weather. But I will never accuse the adjusted northerners of being crazy or freakish in any way. That's just wrong.

So please, leave me alone about this. I like my heat. And I really do think its ridiculous that you would expect me to wear gloves to work.

When you make fun of me when I show up in a jacket and gloves, I'm just going to point out that you told me to do it because you weren't man enough to turn the thermostat up five degrees.

Ok, that's unfair. You don't control the thermostat. I'm not sure who does. It's like a deep dark mystery....

But anyway, please don't make fun of me - or next time we have a cookout, I may just laugh in your face when your shirt gets soaked through in sweat and you start complaining.

Because I'll be wearing long jeans and will not even have started sweating yet.

Peace out.
~Bittersweet Fountain

*Yes, this is a very simplified understanding of evolution. But that doesn't mean its completely inaccurate.


  1. LOL
    I love a good rant!

    Hey, I have an award for you at my Fortnight of Mustard blog. :)

  2. Thanks, Amanda!

    I'll definitely check it out.