One of my friends from high school made a list of people he would want with him should a zombie apocalypse happen, and I was on the list. I found that odd.
It did not find it odd that a person would make a list of people you want around during a zombie apocalypse. It's something I think about every once in a while, but then I generally figure that I have no idea where I'll be when a zombie apocalypse happens. If I'm at home then my choices are limited: I'm stuck with my parents and possibly my sister. All good people to have around. My dad was in the military, and I'm sure he could set up some awesome zombie booby traps. My mom is an elementary school teacher, therefore used to fightng life and death battles. My little sister is studying anthropology so she can study the culture and habits of the zombies. I'm an engineer. I'll make myself useful.
Should I be at school when said apocalypse occurs then I'll have zombie proof buildings (aka dorms) and an endless supply of engineers, not to mention people who have been preparing for the zombie apocalypse since their birth.
Should I be at work, well our work building is pretty much a bunker that will survive nuclear war. A zombie apocalypse is nothing. See I'm covered on all bases, unless it happens while I'm on vacation. Then I'm hosed.
So my friend from high school making said list did not strike me as odd. A zombie apocalypse is something that should be thought about. What struck me as odd was that I was on his list.
I have not seen this friend since senior year in high school, which was over four years ago. We just became facebook friends like a month ago. We were not particularly close friends. I did not know any of the other people he listed, but he did have a short description for everyone. This was how he described me:
Bittersweet Fountain: Mentally/Intellectually strong, real engineering experience, very cheerful and totally a team player!
So his description of me got me thinking. Is this the impression I left on people in high school? (minus the real engineering experience. He pulled that off my facebook profile from my job history).
Mentally/Intellectually strong. I can see this. In high school I had quite the persona of being smart. I was like the Queen Bee of nerds. Not even joking. President and Founder of the Science National Honor Society. President of the Latin Club. Captain of the Quizbowl team. Woodwind Captain. I mean I just reeked of smart nerdy things, even if I wasn't even in the top 20 of my class.
real engineering experience: clearly all that research and co-oping I've done in college is going to pay off.
very cheerful. Am I cheerful? I'm not sure. I am after all a bittersweet fountain. This guy seems to totally remember me as being sweet and not so bitter. Maybe that's because I became more bitter in college? Did I loose a part of myself in college? Am I cheerful?
Totally a team player. I can't imagine how I gave this off in high school. I mean I was in the marching band and part of the quizbowl team, so those are both sort of team activities. But notice the afore mentioned positions in those organizations. Captain. I believe we've discussed before that I want fame. That's nothing new. In high school, I was all about the ambition. But I guess I've always been the sort of person who doesn't tear the team apart with my ambition. I work within the system. I don't break it.
My friend made me think about my high school self and if I have changed since then. Am I different person now? I'm four years older. I have college experience, work experience, and study abroad experience. I've learned a ton. I would like to think I've grown. But at the same time, I don't want to not be that excited ambitious girl that I used to be. The girl people described as "cheerful" and a "team player".
In college people have made me feel like neither of those things. A few adults who shall go nameless have made me feel like a disrupter, a bitter rock that doesn't like to see things change for the better. I don't think that's who I am, but I also think that after awhile how people view you sort of rubs off on you. Maybe I've lost some of my cheerfulness because I'm so used to certain people viewing me as bitter. Maybe I've lost some of my team player attributes because I'm so used to people viewing me as a disrupter.
I don't know. I don't know the answer. This is something that bothers me a lot and I will probably talk about a lot more.
Sometimes I think I used to be sweet, and then the world made me bitter. But then I think I should be able to control who I am. Between me and God we should be able to conquer the world's bittering influence.
I hope I am never simply known as just a "bitter fountain". I hope people still describe me as "very cheerful and totally a team player".
And should my zombie apocalypse preparing friend stumble upon this blog, thanks for the vote of confidence and if I'm in your area, I will definitely find refuge in your bunker.