Thursday, March 17, 2011

An Open Letter to Brandon Sanderson

Dear Brandon Sanderson,

I love your books, and I hate you for it.

It's ironic I suppose that in the Alcatraz books you clearly state that authors are evil, and I didn't believe it. But now I understand. You are evil.

You write books that are completely amazing, books that suck me in from page one, books that I can't put down--and that is the crux of the matter! I have things I need to do! I should be doing research. I should be doing homework. I should be doing a hundred other things, but instead, I'm re-reading the Mistborn Trilogy.

That's right. Re-reading. I've read these books before and yet even knowing what's going to happen, even knowing the characters and plots, I cannot put the books down. I reread The Final Empire in one day. I reread The Well of Ascension the next day. And now I'm rereading The Hero of Ages when I should be studying plasma physics and working on my control laws.

And it's not just Mistborn. Last August I said to myself "I need to reread something I've read before so I won't be distracted from my research on Kalman Filters. How about Elantris? It's been a while since I read that but I remember it clearly so it won't distract me."

Wrong. I read chapter one, and then chapter two, and suddenly I couldn't put it down. I had to keep reading. I had to stay in this world, even though I had read it before!

I know you seem like such a nice guy. At every signing I've been to, you were approachable and joking with us fans. But I know the truth, the truth you yourself revealed in the Alcatraz books. You are an evil, evil, evil man. You want to suck me away from my research. You want me to not finish my thesis. You want me to not graduate. I see it now. I understand.

You are evil.

And the worst part is that you're like an evil overlord, and I'm like a willing minion. You're the Lord Ruler, and I'm a Steel Inquisitor. Despite your evil ways, I follow. Despite the fact I know your books are destroying me, I read them. Because they're amazing. WHY? Why must you write such amazing books?

Oh, Brandon Sanderson, why do you torment me so? And not just with your amazing books, but with the anticipation of even more amazing books. I wait in eager anticipation for Alloy of the Law. I'm dying to read A Memory of Light. And I have no idea what your Rithmatist book is about but I can't wait to get my hands on it.

You're my favorite author, but I don't want to fail. So right now I'm just going to have to hate you. I'm going to have to lock away all my Brandon Sanderson books. And the only key will be my degree. Because its the only way I'll survive. It's the only way I'll actually keep my focus on my work.

Thanks a lot,
Mandy P.

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